Poetry for Neanderthals: NSFW Edition
Poetry for Neanderthals: NSFW Edition Rulebook
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Contents
- Poetry Cards (200)
- Team Point Slate (1)
- 90-Second Sand Timer (1)
- Spank Stick (1)
- Poet Point Slate (1)
Goal
Score the most points by correctly interpreting words and phrases.
Setup
Form two teams (Team Wet and Team Wild).
If you have an odd number of players, the extra player is the permanent judge. They are not on either team but will always stand next to the Poet and use the Spank Stick to enforce the rules.
Sit around the table in alternating team positions.
Team Wet goes first and picks a player from their team to be the first Neanderthal Poet and puts the Poet Point Slate in front of that player.
The Poet chooses which side of the Poetry Cards all players will read from (pink or black) for the whole game.
A player from Team Wild who can see the card in the Poet's hand gets the Spank Stick.
Set up the table with the Poet, the Poet Point Slate, a handful of Poetry Cards, the Spank Stick, the Team Point Slate and the Sand Timer.
Gameplay
If you are the Poet, the opposing team starts the timer while you take the first Poetry Card. Begin trying to get your team to say either the 1-point word (easy) or the 3-point phrase (hard) using only words with one syllable.
Everyone on your team can shout out words at the same time when trying to guess the word or phrase. When someone is correct, say "Yes!" and put the card on the appropriate spot on the Poet Point Slate.
Starting with the 1-point word: If you start with the 1-point word and get it correct, shout "Yes!" and then you can either put your card in the 1-point spot or try for the 3-point phrase. However, if along the way you accidentally break any rules, you lose the earned point and must put the card on the "Oops" (-1 point) spot of the Poet Point Slate.
Starting with the 3-point phrase: If you start with the 3-point phrase and your team says the 1-point word, shout "Yes!" and follow the rules above as if you had started with the 1-point word.
Skipping: If you want to skip a card before earning any points, you can say "Skip!" and put the card on the "Oops" (-1 point) spot of the Poet Point Slate.
In all cases, draw a new Poetry Card to continue playing until the timer runs out. NOTE: You can never earn more than 3 points from a card.
You Can
- You can only speak using words with one syllable.
- You can say any word on your card AFTER a Guesser has said that word.
- You can skip any word in this game that makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason without penalty.
You Can't
- You can't say any word, part of any word, or any form of a word that is on the Poetry Card (unless someone on your team has already said it out loud).
- You can't use gestures/charades.
- You can't use "sounds like" or "rhymes with."
- You can't use initials or abbreviations.
- You can't use other languages.
We're sure there's more that we just didn't think of, but just remember: If it feels like cheating, it's cheating!
The Spank Stick
When it is the other team's turn, grab the Spank Stick and stand beside the Poet. If they violate any of the rules above, shout "NO!" and spank them gently(ish) with the Spank Stick. The Poet must then put the Poetry Card in their hand on the "Oops" (-1 point) spot on the Poet Point Slate.
Ending Your Turn
Each Poet's turn continues until the timer runs out. If you've earned any points for the Poetry Card in your hand, put the card in the appropriate space on the Poet Point Slate. Then move ALL the cards from the Poet Point Slate to the right spots on the Team Point Slate. It is now the other team's turn.
Winning
When all players have had one turn as Poet (or both teams have had the same number of turns as Poet), add up each team's points on the Team Point Slate. The team with the most points wins the game.
Practice
Now you know all the rules, but before playing, try one practice round!
Example card: String / G-String (the 1-point word is "String"; the 3-point phrase is "G-String").
- You say: "This thing is long, like thread."
- Your teammates shout: "Ribbon!"
- So you say: "No, thin and just one strand."
- Your teammates shout: "String!"
- You now have the 1-point word, so you call it out and say: "Yes! String!" 1 point!
- But you still want to go for the 3-point phrase, so you say: "Next, thing you wear...like butt floss!"
- Your teammates shout: "G-String!"
- You say: "Yes!" Then put the card in the 3-point spot of the Poet Point Slate and draw another card to continue.
PRO TIP: Avoid saying single words and then waiting for your team to guess! Instead, try speaking in full sentences like this example.
Challenges
If the Poet feels they were penalized incorrectly, they shout "Wait!" and turn the timer on its side. Decide as a group if the challenge is valid. Then decide as a group what to do with the Poetry Card in question. We're not going to give you a lot of rules here...but as you aggressively debate about personal pronunciation, accents, and that one rule about syllables you learned in school, please try to remember that this is just a game and really probably not that important.
If you're one of those people who MUST HAVE the official answer, head over to How Many Syllables: www.HowManySyllables.com
After a challenge is resolved, turn the timer upright and continue.
What Does This Word Mean??
If you find words or phrases on the cards that you don't understand, resist the urge to look them up. The internet is a terrible place filled with terrible things. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Playing with 2 or 3 Players
2 Players
Both players are on the same team and switch off being the Poet.
Play with just the Poet Point Slate (you don't need the Team Point Slate). After each player has been the Poet three times, add up your points:
- 10 points or less: You too nice. Should get out more.
- 11-30 points: Your team is so-so at bad thoughts.
- 31-49 points: So good at bad things!
- 50 points or more: Your team possesses a collection of exquisitely perverse sensibilities that will be lauded throughout the ages with great aplomb.
3 Players
Players rotate between three roles: Poet, Guesser, and Player-With-Stick. Poet and Guesser only use the Poet Point Slate. They cooperatively earn points and add cards to the Poet Point Slate. Player-With-Stick makes sure no rules are violated and earns no points.
At the end of the round, Poet and Guesser add up the points they've earned and record points on a piece of paper. Next, they discard all used Poetry Cards into the box, rotate each player's role, and start the next round. After each player has been Poet twice, the player with the most points wins.
For example: Player A and Player B begin the game as Poet and Guesser; they each earn and record 10 points. Next, Player B and Player C rotate and each earn 5 points. Finally, Players A and C rotate and each earn 20 points. At this point in the game, Player A has 30 points, Player B has 15 points, and Player C has 25 points.
To determine the winner, keep playing until each player has been the Poet twice!